We are going to take a risk.

I’m writing this a few days before mum’s 97th birthday. In the last few weeks, her two grandchildren have both had new babies. She’s convinced they belong to my brother and his partner, who are both in their 60’s, and needs to be reminded that the new babies are my brother’s grandchildren. He did once, it is true, have a little girl and boy, but now they are grown up and have started families of their own.

The young couples have offered to come and visit mum the weekend of her birthday. But two new-borns, a very active two-year old and seven adults can’t descend on the Care Home. They will have to come to the house.  If mum wants to see The New Babies and her much-loved Great-Granddaughter, which of course she does, she can also come to the house. But she has to understand that she can’t sleep here. She will have to go back to the Care Home. I have explained this to her, and sometimes she seems to understand and sometimes she doesn’t. So, what to do for the best?

I’ve discussed this with several people and most of them say it’s too risky. It will unsettle mum and she’ll get too upset. But I still think it’s worth the risk for her to see The New Babies, which she very much wants to do. A Carer who’s become like a family friend, takes mum out for a drive once a week. When I mentioned my dilemma to her, she immediately offered to pick mum up from the Home and bring her to the house, then collect mum at 5pm and return her to the Home.

This has actually been my main concern. Because the problem will be when it’s time for mum to leave. If the Carer comes, mum will hopefully go with her without too much fuss – whereas she’s quite likely to play us up and give us a hard time. And so, it’s been arranged.

Recently, one of my friends suggested a strategy they used with her own elderly mother: tell mum she has two homes now. Her Own Home is still here, and I am looking after it, but she can’t live there anymore. I am trying this approach, telling mum she’s going to visit her Own Home and see The Babies but, because she’s so old now (she does tend to forget just how old she is, bless her!) and needs so much looking after that she needs to live in the Care Home where she can be safe and cared for.

In a few days, we’ll find out whether we were right to take the risk! This morning mum did say she understood that The Babies couldn’t come to the Care Home but that she could see them, if she came to the house. Fingers crossed it will all work out well. I really hope it does.

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4 thoughts on “We are going to take a risk.

  1. I’m tempted to say I admire your bravery but that supports the notion of risk so I will say instead, and it’s much more what I actually feel, that I admire your enormous generosity. You know how much it will mean to your mum to see her great granddaughter and the two new babies and you are making that happen for her. You could have just said “No, it’s too risky, too difficult, it can’t be done” and no-one would blame you. But you are still, as always, taking your responsibility towards your mum and her happiness in her old age (97!) seriously and doing what you believe to be right rather than what is easy. Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hope all goes well!

    On Thu, 23 Nov 2017 at 20:12, livingwithmotherblog wrote:

    > livingwithmother60 posted: “I’m writing this a few days before mum’s 97th > birthday. In the last few weeks, her two grandchildren have both had new > babies. She’s convinced they belong to my brother and his partner, who are > both in their 60’s, and needs to be reminded that the new bab” >

    Like

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